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“I will build my church…” (Matthew 16:18, NKJV).
Being hurt by another Christian can be devastating, but the church is filled with imperfect people who do things they shouldn’t. As C.S. Lewis said, ‘God works on us in all sorts of ways…above all he works on us through each other.’
So before you walk away, there are five important things to consider or do:
First, admit how much it hurt, and begin to deal with it. Running away doesn’t always help. Humbly approach the person who hurt you, motivated to reconcile. Discuss your pain with the purpose of releasing it and moving on.
Second, ask, “What’s my role in this?’ If the resulting pain has nothing to do with you, ask yourself if you put idealistic expectations on a person’s humanness. Did you think they were perfect? Now that you realise they’re not, can you forgive them?
Third, ask God what to do next. And give Him time to answer.
Fourth, guard your heart…for it determines the course of your life’ (Proverbs 4:23 NLT). Choose to follow God, even when your heart breaks. He alone can deal with motives and intents, and he is just and reasonable. But many times, your faithfulness must come first before his blessings flow.
Fifth, If you still feel you must leave, promise yourself and God that you will leave well. Refuse to say anything bad. Don’t leave mad, and admit the good, no matter how small. Most important of all, don’t give up. God is good, his church is good and people are flawed. Locate another house of worship, and commit to it with an open heart.
Moreover, author Sherry Surratt notes that when Jesus promised to build his church, ‘[he] wasn’t just talking about the bricks or wood that form a…building, but he was talking about building his church of…ordinary, human people who are imperfect…broken and [who] bring their messy lives…with them every time they walk through the door.
This is what Christ died for…he died for people – for his church…a group of people, led by people, and not a single one of us is perfect. We’re a broken bunch who hopefully recognises our brokenness and acknowledges that Jesus is the only fix…
No matter how long we’ve been in the church, we never reach perfection…we’ll have to work at it every day. We’ll come face-to-face with our human side every morning when we wake up, and…when we do, we’ll bump up against each other and we’ll get hurt.’
Surratt continues: “Our natural tendency is to steer clear of what hurts us…So when we encounter gossip aimed at us or witness hatred or hypocrisy in our fellow churchgoers or even our pastors, it’s natural to think about walking away.
But to do this is to separate ourselves from something that God built for us to use for our good…The Bible never says other people aren’t going to wound [us]…What [it] does teach…is that it doesn’t help to just sit in hurt and feel sorry for [ourselves] (see Matthew 5:24).
God’s Word warns [us] not to let bitterness set in (see Hebrews 12:15). This has nothing to do with pretending something didn’t happen. It has everything to do with being honest…admitting when our spirit is crushed and leaving revenge in the hands of God.’
By Alfred Nyamekye
